As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed this morning I came across this great post by Sunshine’s Journey to 199.
Sunshine started her journey at 391lbs. Her goal weight is 199lbs. I enjoy reading about Sunshine’s Journey, but it didn’t move me until I saw the above image this morning. Soon as I saw that necklace, I said to myself, “I want to get down to 200lbs.” Now, I should mention that I weighed myself this morning and the scale told me that I was 404 lbs. Now, I have thoroughly rejected diet culture. I don’t believe that I’m worthless or unlovable because I’m not 200lbs. I’m also not going to put off anything that I want to do (like traveling) until I weigh 200lbs. I’m just saying that I want to weigh 200lbs. I won’t lie. a part of me wants to get down to that weight to obtain some thin privilege not that I would be thin at that weight by any stretch of the imagination. I define thin privilege as being treated with more respect in general, being able to buy less expensive clothes and not having to worry about fitting through turnstiles or fitting into office chairs. Part of my desire to get down to hat weight, is also about want to undertake another challenge. I think I want to see if I can lose over 200lbs.
Plus, to be honest, I really don’t think that I can be healthy at 404lbs. Notice I’m only talking about MY weight and MY health.. If I were buying into diet culture I would say that I don’t think that ANYONE can be healthy at 404lbs. I eat like shit. I eat a lot of fast food and a lot of sugar and salt. My period is irregular which I think is due to a hormone imbalance caused by a sudden weight gain. I’m borderline diabetic and borderline hypertensive. My back and hips hurt when I stand for too long and my back hurts when I try to walk for too long and when I try to squat, my knees creak. I need to eat better to improve my overall health and I need to move more to improve my cardiovascular fitness.
I don’t know why I feel the need to have a weight goal instead of a fitness goal. Maybe because that is what I’m used to and maybe because they are easier to quantify. Or maybe this is another way that I have been brainwashed by the diet culture. I’m assuming that if I get down to 200lbs that I will have all of those positive healthy outcomes. Is that because I was raised to believe that thinner is healthier?
I’m so tired of thinking about my weight. I’m tired of debating about what I should eat. Diet culture is exhausting.
I do enjoy strength training and I’m looking forward to taking it up again. I enjoy seeing how strong I am and it will get me out of the house. Lately I cannot stand being cooped up. I’m also looking forward to taking a water aerobics class this week. When it gets this hot out, I enjoy being in the water.
Thanks for Reading,