So after my rant about my mother the other day, I was hoping that I would be spared her bullshit for awhile. I don’t know why I was foolish enough to believe that. This morning, my mother came downstairs to finish reorganizing HER basement. We were talking because she had tasked me with finding her cheap health insurance. I went through the government’s website and I couldn’t find a plan with a monthly premium that was cheap enough for her and sadly she doesn’t qualify for medicare. After my mother informed me several times that she couldn’t afford to pay that much for health insurance, she looked at me and asked, “Do you want me to turn the basement into an apartment for you?”
Now, keep in mind, that this woman ragged me out two days ago for having to live with her at 39 years of age. She also accused me of infesting her home with roaches and trashing HER basement with my dysfunctional, psychotic hoarding tendencies. Yet, two days later, she wants me to live with her on a permanent basis. I wanted to scream, but I can’t scream at my mother. I was raised to take her abuse. So I replied impatiently, “No! I’m not staying here.” My mother laughed.
Mother Dear walked over to me. She asked me several times to look at her, but I refused. I didn’t want to look at her. She poked me and I pulled back. I told her that I didn’t want to speak to her about it (whatever it was) and she replied, “No matter what I say to you, I still love you.”
I replied, “Just because you love me doesn’t mean that you get to say whatever you want to me.”
“If you don’t want me to say certain things to you, don’t do certain things. Actions have consequences. You don’t want your actions to have consequences. You want to act like a little girl when you are supposed to be a woman. Your feelings may be hurt, but mine are hurt too.”
I was beside myself. I wanted to burst, I was so angry at her. Instead of responding, I got up and went and took a shower, got dressed, packed up my computer, and headed to Starbucks.
My mother doesn’t get it and I don’t think that she ever will. You don’t get to say whatever hateful, demeaning, emotionally devastating thing you want to say to your child, because they did something that you don’t like. And most importantly, my mother doesn’t have a free pass to berate me about my weight period, but especially not when we are talking about something completely unrelated.
My mother is not this way just with me. She does this to my sister as well. My sister isn’t big, but she is married to someone that reminds my mother of her late husband, my father. My mother is still angry at my late father for things that went on during their marriage. She feels that it is appropriate to take that out on my sister and her husband. Last year, ironically around this time, my mother cussed my sister out after my sister innocently requested that my mother not undermine her attempts to discipline her 9 year old son.
My nephew had been placed on punishment for two weeks because he went outside without permission and broke the neighbor’s glass door. He wasn’t allowed to use any computers or video games for a month. My mother visited shortly after this happened. My nephew knows that he can get whatever he wants from his Nana so he asked her if he could play on her computer. My mother said yes. My sister said no because my nephew was still on punishment. My mother tried to overrule her. My sister asked my mother not to do that in front of my nephew, as it undermines her authority as a parent. My mother flipped out. She started cussing at my sister. When I tried to calm the situation down I was told to kiss her ass. My mother didn’t speak to my sister for a few months. It took my sister having a cancer scare for my mother to decide not to be angry at her anymore.
I’ve tried telling my mother that they way that she communicates with my sister and I is not okay. I’ve tried telling her that it is not acceptable to say certain things to your daughters, but she doesn’t care. My sister is so sweet and such a people pleaser, that she just tries to please my mother and keep her happy, by doing whatever it is that my mother wants her to do. I can’t do that. I’m sorry, but I can’t magically lose 200 pounds over night just to please my mother. I can’t exercise 5 hours a day and eat perfectly well balanced meals at every single mealtime, just to please my mother. I can’t be who my mother wants me to be and quite frankly, I shouldn’t have to be.
My mother is an emotionally manipulative, verbally abusive bully and when I move out of her basement, I might have to move out of her life.
Thanks for Reading,