I am a college instructor. Usually I teach on campuses where I have to park and then walk or take the bus. I can’t tell you how many times I have arrived to class and had to stop before I opened the door because I was gasping for breath. I couldn’t face my students out of breath. I knew they would automatically be thinking about my weight as in, “Oh shit, she’s so fat!! Why is she so damn fat!” The last thing I want is for anyone to be thinking about the size of my body. I know that once I start exercising again on a regular basis that I won’t be so out of breath, but the only way for me to permanently fix this problem is to lose all this weight. One of my dreams is to be able to walk up a flight of stairs and not be out of breath or sweating.
I hate that I also sweat a lot. I mean even when I’m not moving I start to sweat. Even just walking in the wintertime I sweat. I don’t even have to be walking all that fast and I am sweating and sweating and sweating and sweating. The summertime used to be my favorite season of the year, but now I don’t really wear shorts because I don’t feel comfortable displaying my cellulite and I am hot and uncomfortable all the time. I think that I’m just hotter than normal sized people. I hate sweating all the time. It’s gross. I also hate having sweaty bitch face. Sometimes in the summer my face just gets sweaty and it’s not a pretty glistening sheen either. I look like a piece of meat. It’s not cute. I hate it. What’s crazy is that I love to sweat when I’m working out. I’ve had sessions at the gym that have left me soaking wet afterward. I have sweated through my sweatpants, through my shirt and there is a white salty residue on my face because I have sweated so much. I like that kind of sweat. That’s the kind of sweat that I’m proud of.
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