The Top Ten Reasons I Hate Being Fat: #9 I Can’t Wear What I Want To

I hate not being able to wear what I want.  I love clothes.  I love all the major plus sized clothing retailers–Lane Bryant, Avenue, Kiyonna, and Sonsi— but there are a lot of clothes in straight sizes that I absolutely love and would love to be able to wear.  I would also like to be able to walk in a store like Macy’s and buy a nice dress.  I would like not to have a meltdown whenever I have to go to a wedding or other special event.  Formal wear in size 30/32 is pretty hard to find.  The last family event that I attended was my aunt’s wedding.  Family gatherings are hard for me.  I come from a large family of ultra skinny and ultra blunt Bajans.  We hail from the Caribbean island of Barbados.  I am the largest member of my family.  My family is not shy about expressing their feelings about my body and it’s not like I can cuss them out and walk away.

It took me forever to find a dress for that wedding.  I was living in State College, PA at that time and miraculously enough there were no plus sized clothing stores in that town.  I was forced to order dresses off the internet.  When the dress didn’t fit or wasn’t formal enough, I had to mail the dress back to the retailer and continue my search.  I finally ordered a pretty yellow dress with a pink rose print from  When it arrived and I tried it on, it felt a little snug, but I figured that once I was wearing a torso length girdle that it would be tolerable.  I was wrong.

When I put on the dress the day of the wedding, it fit too snuggly around my hips and butt.  I had to constantly keep pulling it down so that it wouldn’t ride up.  I stayed seated during the entire wedding reception because I was so embarassed about how that dress looked on me.  I hadn’t seem some of my cousins in years, but I could hardly think about anything besides that dress.

Unfortunately, I always seem to have an issue with my clothes.  I’m always pulling down a shirt to cover my big butt or trying to prevent my pants from gathering between my legs.  I have just accepted it as part of my big, fat life.  I now realize that I have the power to change all of that.


One thought on “The Top Ten Reasons I Hate Being Fat: #9 I Can’t Wear What I Want To

  1. Did you try Igigi? They make the most gorgeous formal & semi formal dresses and go up to a 30/32. They are a bit pricey but if you sign up for their email list, they have sales all the time. I usually try & save a bit of $$ and buy a dress to save for a special occasion.

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