The story of Sandra Bland affected me in a way that the stories of Eric Garner and Mike Brown did not. I was outraged by the deaths of those men, but the death of Sandra Bland scares me. That is … Continue reading I Am Sandra Bland
I don’t have a goal weight. The scale and I have never been friends. She is a nasty bitch who likes to steal my joy. The happiest that I have ever been was when I was working out 5 days … Continue reading My Goal
Sometimes I feel like this, like everyone is watching me and judging me. Judging me for being fat. Judging my clothes. Judging my makeup. I went out of my way so that people would ignore me. I didn’t want to … Continue reading Reclaiming My Face
As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed this morning I came across this great post by Sunshine’s Journey to 199. Sunshine started her journey at 391lbs. Her goal weight is 199lbs. I enjoy reading about Sunshine’s Journey, but it … Continue reading Fighting Off Diet Culture
During a moment in the chapel in the third season finale, Piper tells Stella that she doesn’t trust anyone. I call bullshit. Piper– who is one of the most oblivious people on TV–has easily trusted Stella based on the rather … Continue reading Character Spotlight: Piper Chapman-Trust no Bitch
On a bright, hot, day many years ago, my friend, Marie, her cousins, Jonas and Juna, our friend, Tonya, my baby sister, Trisha and I went to a friend of my mom’s condo. The condo was in a remodeled school and had a pool. The pool was the reason for our visit. I was an insecure and chubby 16 year old. There was no way that I was going to the public pool across from the post office. There was no way that I was going to get in a bathing suit in public. What if someone made fun of … Continue reading Swimming Pools
My littlest niece, NeeNee, said to me the other day, “KaKa, I wish you were skinny.” I asked her why she said that and she said, “Because you’re thick.” That’s my sensitive sister’s influence. Her child would never say the word “fat.” No, she is being taught polite, sensitive, pseudo, positive words like “thick.” Hey, sister dear, why don’t you teach your children that there is nothing wrong with “thick” bodies? Why don’t teach your children not to comment on other people’s bodies? Why don’t you teach your children that women are more than their bodies? That would be a … Continue reading What do I Want?
I’m so tired of Acid Reflux. Today I had a panic attack. I thought that I couldn’t breathe because I had gas and it was making me feel like puking. I hate to vomit. It terrifies me. I ate horribly on Sunday. It was nothing but chocolate and fried food. I had diarrhea and I still continued to eat poorly. To top it off this morning, I had a Reese Xmas tree and lots of chocolate covered cashews. That was a bad idea. I’m done eating like shit. I have been diagnosed with Acid Reflux twice in my life and … Continue reading I Cannot Take Heartburn!!
Hey All, I have started a diet. I’m going to call it a diet because that is exactly what it is. According to Merriam-Webster.com, the definition of diet is as follows: a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one’s weight. That is what I am doing. I am eating and drinking sparingly so that I can reduce my weight. I’m not making a lifestyle change. I suspect that once I’ve lost all the weight that I want to lose, I won’t be following this particular plan anymore. Weight loss program is just a word shade for people … Continue reading I’m on a Diet. Yes, a diet.
Hey All, So after my rant about my mother the other day, I was hoping that I would be spared her bullshit for awhile. I don’t know why I was foolish enough to believe that. This morning, my mother came downstairs to finish reorganizing HER basement. We were talking because she had tasked me with finding her cheap health insurance. I went through the government’s website and I couldn’t find a plan with a monthly premium that was cheap enough for her and sadly she doesn’t qualify for medicare. After my mother informed me several times that she couldn’t afford … Continue reading My Mother Strikes Again